Every day is a new day

Every day is a new day and a chance to start over. Today, I made the choice to change my life. Today, I made the choice not to kill myself with food. I’ve dieted before . . . more times than I care to count . . . the difference today is that for the first time in my life I fully believe that if I continue as I am, I will die. And I’m not ready to die . . .

I explained quite a bit of my past issues with weight in previous blogs.

My senior prom. I was 165 lbs and wore a size 12. I thought I was SO fat! My ultimate goal is to fit into that dress again.

Barbie Doll
Keep the BMI Away from Me and My Child
I am not my fat.

But I’m not worried about all of that now because today is a new day. Today, I get to start all over.

Today, I am tired of my swollen feet. I am tired of my back and knee pains. I am tired of losing my breath after dancing with my daughter to one song. Today, I am just plain tired.

Today, I have high blood pressure and am at risk for diabetes.

Today, I weigh 326.7 lbs.

But today, today is a new day.

Today, I woke up and turned on the Wii Fit. I love the Wii Fit! I know that it won’t work nearly as well as a “real” daily workout routine, but for all of my issues, it’s perfect. I like the step aerobics, the obstacle course and the boxing . . . I can definitely feel those. When my back starts to hurt, I slow down and do the balance exercises. When my knee starts to hurt, I do the stillness “exercise” . . . you literally just sit still for 3 minutes. Then I go back to the step aerobics, obstacle course and boxing.

Week 1: August 8, 2011 --- 326.7 lbs.

Here’s why that works for me — In a “real” workout, I would start to feel pain and just give up. I’d stop. With the Wii Fit, I keep going. They may not be the best exercises, but it’s more a state of mind thing. I’m still moving. I’m still in workout mode . . . even when I need a small break.

I worked out for a total of 1 hour and 10 minutes today, burning 460 calories. I’ve eaten really well all day . . . Lunch was a giant bowl of spinach and onions :) I’m going to hit the farmer’s market tomorrow and load up on veggies.

Because today, I’ve made the decision that I am not ready to die.

***It kind of kills me to post my actual weight. Which I think is kind of silly. I mean, you can look at me and see that I’m fat, but to actually have people know how much I weight is horrifying. But it’s there for a reason. I will post updates on this journey every Monday, including my actual weigh in numbers and a picture. I need to hold myself accountable and this is how I am going to do it!***

Every day is a new day. What changes are you going to make today?

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25 responses to this post.

  1. Dayle – Hooray for you! This is fantastic, you are on your way (I feel like I need to quote Dr. Seuss after typing that last part ;). Like so many things in life, the starting can be the hardest part. I look forward to hearing more about your progress. I struggle with my weight also (and have as far as I can remember), and you are inspiring me to keep at it and get to my goal and stay there. -Alexandra

    Reply

    • ::Smile:: LOVE Dr. Seuss (in fact, I wrote a whole post about how all life lessons can be summed up by a Dr. Seuss book). This is definitely appropriate:

      And will you succeed?
      Yes! You will, indeed!
      (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

      Kid, you’ll move mountains!
      So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
      Today is your day!
      Your mountain is waiting.
      So…get on your way!

      Thank you so much, Alexandra! I am hoping to give (and take) as much inspiration as humanly possible!

      Reply

  2. Posted by Tammy W. on August 8, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    So proud of you, Dayle! If you’ve already surpassed your full-time income from home, in only a few short months of freelancing, I’m CONFIDENT that you can do this, too!

    Reply

    • Thank you so much, Tammy!

      That confidence in myself has its definite waxing and waning, but the support I feel right now is incredible and I know it will help keep me going!

      ::Hugs::

      Reply

  3. Congratulations! You have taken the first step. You say you have taken it many times before but the difference now is – it is a life or death situation for you. Let’s face it – food is wonderful, especially our favorites, but if you love life (and you seem to) then foods has to become secondary. My wife and I were coasting along at a plump but comfortable level. Snacks as we watch television have alwys been our downfall. Then one day my wife complained about her shoulder hurting. It sounded like a rotator-cuff siuation and it got worse. Several days later it was her wrist, her knee, and on-and-on until she finally decided something was drastically wrong and she needed to go to the doctor. The doctor xrayed the shoulder and told her she had some arthritis and gave her some steroid meds. It got better for awhile until the steroids ran out then the swelling and the pain got really bad. Aftering seeing a specialist my wife was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. She was told it is a mild case but it can get worse and even be crippling. One major side-effect of the meds was they made you put on weight. She put on 20 pounds before we could even get used to the meds. The doctor told her the additional weight would make the condition worse and that was the case. Finally, we had to make the decision that this was a life or death situation and all of a sudden food lost its importance, at least to a large degree. We simply started our diet by calorie-counting. We kept the calories down to 1200 a day and increased our intake of fruits and vegetables, which was something I needed to do too since I had high blood-pressure and cholesterol. I have lost more weight than she has but I don’t take the weight gaining meds. But we both feel much better even though we really miss our sweets. Life or death is the correct state of mind so keep up the good work. Be strong and dedicated and you can make it.

    Reply

    • Thank you, Grandpa!

      Congratulations on your and your wife’s success! I love success stories :-)

      Life or death certainly does put a lot of things into perspective. I have a six-year-old daughter, and I want to watch her grow up. I joke all the time about dreading her teen years, but even more I dread not being around to see them. I showed her the picture from my senior prom and she didn’t believe that it was me. I was way too young when I lost my mom (16) and I want to do everything I can to make sure my daughter does not go through the same thing!

      Reply

  4. You are so very brave…..I wish I had your courage right now. I know your struggle with weight because I am going through the same and HAVE gone through it for so many years. I weighed about what you did back in 2004 when I decided to lose weight and went on this plan….I got down to 250 and started feeling so much better…that was when I did plays and was in a singing/dancing group….for 2 years I danced, did Aerobics, plays, ate right and worked my butt off while I stayed at 250 lbs. So I began to lose hope and felt like I would never be able to lose anymore….then I began to eat foods that I shouldn’t again….I finished college so plays and dancing ended….I went to Indiana for the summer to work at a preschool so I figured I was still on my feet a lot and I would be fine….but I came back that summer having gained a little weight. Still, I figured it was just a little and I would be fine….but I kept gaining and gaining and before I knew it, I had gained it all back, plus more. And that is where I am at now….every time I think of trying again, I just can never seem to get up with the strength to do so. I feel like I’m just going to fail again……
    I hope the best for you in your journey and I hope that you will succeed where I have failed to do so…..maybe seeing others that I can relate to achieve so much will help me gain the strength back to do what I need to do….What you’re doing here is so inspiring to me. Keep up the good work!

    Reply

    • Sharon, I know you know how difficult this was for me not just to write, but to post.

      I have gone through so many of those moments when my weight has stagnated. I lost around 75 lbs on Slim Fast several years ago. I went from 308 to to somewhere around 230. I could never get into the 220′s though . . . And then I gave up. Slowly, the weight came back on and I was never able to lose more than 20 – 25 lbs after that.

      I think because the weight has always come on very slowly that I didn’t notice it as much. These last 30 lbs came on within just a few months (after I quit smoking) and my body feels the extra weight like it never has before. I walked to the grocery store the other day — about 3 blocks — and had to stop a few times on the way because I was in so much pain. As a non-driver, if I can’t walk places, I’m screwed! I’m used to walking EVERYWHERE!

      Thank you so much for your support and you know that I am in your corner as well . . . whenever you are ready . . . And I know that that will come in your own time! ::HUGS::

      Reply

  5. By the way, this is an old post I did before people really started reading my blog: http://therealsharon.wordpress.com/2010/02/20/cautioncontents-under-pressure-may-explode/

    Reply

  6. Dayle, I don’t want you to die either! I cherish our friendship and keep hoping one day we will meet in person. You are incredibly brave to share so much of yourself here, but this just shows how amazing you are! So you can totally do what you have set as your goal. Your words spoke to me so much even though I am going through a different situation. Thank you for posting this, my friend.

    Reply

    • Thank you, Jen!

      I cherish our friendship as well :-) (And while we may not live around the corner from each other, we are way too close not to meet up at some point!)

      This was extremely difficult to write and to post. I started to cry when I asked my boyfriend to take the picture of me, but I said, “If I’m going to do this, I might as well go the whole 9!”

      Thank you so much for your support . . . It means more than I can possibly say!

      Reply

  7. Posted by Anita on August 8, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    Ironically, this sounds like a conversation you and I just had (TT). Each and every day, I wonder if I’m going to die. Not just because of the weight, but the other issues we spoke about. I’ve even begun a blog about it. You know… “writing it out of me”.

    You WILL succeed for several reasons:
    #1– You’re brave! You had to be to write this.
    #2– You’re a fighter! Duh!
    #3– You’re a lot stronger than you think you are!
    #4– You know what you have to do.
    #5– You have a strong support system, at home and online.
    #6– If you want a partner, let me know

    FTR, I made the same decision two days ago. I know you’re not surprised because of the TT. So, know that I’m serious about number 6.

    Reply

    • Thank you so much, Anita . .. and yes, definitely a TT.

      I will absolutely take you up on #6! You know that I am all about the support system and it works both ways!

      ::Hugs:: and all that stuff . . . we *will* get through this, we *will* live to watch our little girls grow up!

      Reply

  8. Yay you should feel very proud of yourself. and you are so right, it is a mental and emotional switch in your head that makes a huge difference! Putting your weight up is very brave and another clear evidence that this time is THE TIME for you. You are inspiring me. The wiifit sounds amazing!

    Reply

    • Thank you so much, Susie!

      Posting my weight was really tough, but it will only make me feel better when I have a record of decreasing numbers!

      The Wii Fit is great! Even my daughter loves it :-)

      Reply

  9. Dayle~

    Welcome to the club! I had to have the diagnosis of diabetes before I saw the “hand of doom” on my shoulder; I’m happy you didn’t have to wait.

    It’s not easy at first, but it does get easier, and it does pay off. It’s a bit difficult realizing that these are changes that have to follow me through the rest of my life, and I’ve “lost” so many things. But what have I lost really? Fast food? Soda? Phfft. They’re not all that great to begin with. All the other delicious things in the world I can still have…only in moderation. And I’m the only one in charge. Food isn’t. If I want a scoop of ice cream, I can have it…I just can’t eat the entire pint! (Or quart, or gallon…)

    If I can do it, anyone (quite literally) can do it.

    Stay STRONG!

    ~*~M~*~

    Reply

    • I honestly think it was my feet swelling that pushed me over the edge. I have a definite love of salt and I know that doesn’t help . . . plus I work at home on the computer so I’m sitting all day. In just five days, I already notice a difference. My feet are still a little swollen, but no where near as bad as they were in the beginning of the week.

      I even notice a difference just walking around. My back still kills me when I walk, but it’s much more manageable.

      “And I’m the only one in charge. Food isn’t.” . . . This reminds me of one of my motivational phrases that I stick all over the kitchen when I’m dieting — “I will NOT take orders from a cookie!”

      Thank you so much for your support! And congrats to you for your success!

      The late night and TV snacking are the worst for me . . . So I have stocked up on veggies. I’ll can eat a ginormous salad when watching NCIS instead of a family sized bag of chips!

      Reply

  10. Posted by Ginny Layton on August 10, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Proud of you. You are awesome. Looking forward to witnessing your progress and celebrating with you–

    Reply

  11. Posted by Shawna on August 10, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    Good luck, Dayle. You’re so right that weight loss is much more about your mental state than your physical state. The best tip I can give you is to journal each day as you try to change bad habits, adopt good ones, and free your mind from this entrapment. You are beautiful.

    Reply

    • Thank you, Shawna!

      The daily journaling is too much for me. I tend to get over obsessive and then when I can’t live up to my own ridiculous expectations, I give up. (Same kind of issues that were in my private blog post.) I think the weekly posts will work for me because it will allow me to see an overall progress, not the day to day ups and downs.

      It is definitely about a change of lifestyle, not a “diet” . . . which is actually what I’ll be writing about in Monday’s blog :-)

      Reply

  12. [...] is “Four weeks and almost 10 lbs. down.” My post popular post based on unique comments is “Every Day is a New Day” (and also “I am not my fat,” but I mention that further down in the list). I think it’s [...]

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